Bless the Potential

(Blog written in 2016 – revised for today.)  

In 2015, we had 7 trees removed that bordered our property and the new construction behind our house. It was sad to see trees go, but since they were Russian olive trees (pretty, but vicious with spikes!) we released them with a blessing.

For these many months, it's been pretty bare out in the back. We see lots of sky, so that's been great. We've had more exposure to winds without those trees. The latest change has been the addition of a grey block wall (not pretty) behind the house. We appreciate this wall as it provides us with a solid boundary in our world and a neat backdrop for plantings.

Except we didn't have many plantings. We didn't plant anything in the spring because we were unsure as to what the boundary between the properties would look like. With this new wall​, we now know and can proceed.

As a result, we bought two Pink Flowing Plumb trees, two tree variety Rose of Sharon, one shrub Rose of Sharon, and a Smoke Bush. Perfect timing to get them in the ground after hot weather and before cold weather.

These are pretty small little plants compared to the giant 30 year old trees that were removed. Phil has been diligently watering them so they can get their root systems growing and get a great start for next spring.

The future of these plants require care NOW.

The future of your abundance requires your care NOW!

The future of your happiness requires care NOW!​

We think we will wait until we retire, or we finish school, or we finish that project . . . and the care our soul requires gets neglected.

We plant the trees in the fall, knowing they will face the hardship of winter. Winter happens. Yet, this timing also gives the plant time to settle in without having to produce leaves or growth on the outside. The growth is happening beneath the ground and within the plant.

So, too, when we begin to grow spiritually, the growth happens within. Others may not see it, but it's there. Hardship may come before we are fully developed, yet we are creating roots and systems for our own support behind the scenes.

That support may include: a deeper sense of inner knowing; a brighter sense of hope; a clearer sense of purpose; friends that are supportive and caring.​ These may remain unseen to an outsider's perspective.

And yet, when the time is right to really grow and stretch out our awareness and be seen, the inner structure provides a powerful base for this growth.

How do we create this inner support for ourselves? Just like these little trees require watering daily, water the soul daily with positive words from others further along the path (read a book, listen to audio tapes, or watch positive, uplifting videos about spiritual growth) and positive words from our own selves. It's easy to find fault with ourselves, yet, spiritual growth requires the caring attention to positive self-talk.

Find time to sit quietly (okay, so sometimes that's a miracle) and ask what Spirit (Divine Source, God, Higher Power - whatever) wants you to know. As you quietly reflect, things will be brought to mind, or the phone will ring with a friend who just happens to share some information that blesses you. Or within a few minutes you have a flash of insight. The more often time is taken to do this, the more quickly the messages and responses can come . . . that's inner growth!

Creating hope requires feeding ourselves hope on a regular basis. Feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated cancels out our hope. Hope is a positive anticipation. A looking forward to something better. A knowing that each day is a new day and each moment is a new moment to feel brighter and to be brighter. Forget perfect. We cannot get there from here. Let that go. Stick with "brighter" and release perfection. Likewise, forget expectations - how we think it SHOULD be. That's judgment and will snuff out hope in a heartbeat. Hope - knowing a brighter time is coming. Even in the dead of winter, there is hope of spring. Feed that hope with pictures of sunshine and blue skies. Feed your hope with pictures of brighter days ahead. (Literally and figuratively. If you can find pictures of what epitomizes your hopes and dreams, post them where you can see them!)

Feed that HOPE!! The tender roots of your spiritual growth require it!

Find friends who hold common interests and support your spiritual growth. Family doesn't always fit this bill. That's okay. We can love them anyway and find mutually supportive relationships beyond blood kinships. Seek and ye shall find. They are out there! If you are nourishing and blessing yourself spiritually, you will be drawn to others on that same path.

Find a renewed sense of purpose. Whatever we do, when we express the inner spiritual journey into our actions - that's purpose. Grocery shopping provides an opportunity to smile and be kind in a world of tired folks just struggling to get through the day. Doing laundry blesses our family. Typing that letter the boss wants, puts food on our table and provides a quality service. Doing even the simple things in life with a greater purpose of spiritual awareness yields great spiritual growth and blessings.​

Whether you are in the springtime of spiritual growth or flowing into winter spiritually, nourish and bless yourself spiritually NOW! You are worth it. The growth happens even if you don't see it happening. You will look back and know that this is the time you grew.

The Art of Allow

So, I did a silly thing.  I cleaned my side table next to my chair in the family room.  Okay, well, that’s not the silly thing.  It was ready to create an avalanche and send books and papers everywhere.  So, I went through each piece of paper and discarded some and filed others.  When I was done you could actually see the wooden top of the table.  It was wonderful to see that again!

Here’s the silly thing.  On the table was a book that I had been reading, but lost interest in.  I moved it somewhere.  I had forgotten that I’d placed an unused gift certificate in it as a bookmark.  Now I cannot find the book. And, alas, I cannot find the gift certificate I decided to use today.  Sheesh!

Not many places a book could be – I checked the bookshelf.  Two other books I was reading are there . . . . not this one.  By the bed?  Nope.  In the front room?  Nope.

So, I wait for it to reappear as these things do – eventually.  I’ll keep an eye out.  I’ve obviously placed it somewhere where it won’t get lost.  Often if I release it and let it go, it will magically appear and I’ll be so surprised to see it.

So it is with disappointments.  I thought I wanted that.  Then I didn’t.  No, wait!  I really did want that!  Not it’s not here.  It’s gone and I’m upset.

Yet, I can apply the same technique and let it go.  When the time is right and I’m ready for it a new and better situation/thing will appear. 

It’s hard to trust the process, because I feel I should be able to make it happen right now!!!  Praying about it and letting it go seems, well, not very proactive.  My should-er thinks I should do something!  When my heart knows it is blessed by waiting.

Wait feels like a 4-letter work.  Well, it is, but it need not be a curse.  I can let things take their own time.  That timing seems to be much better anyway.  The key is letting go with an open heart.  My want hangs on.  My open heart allows. 

I get to remind myself over and over to allow.  I’ll keep you posted.  Maybe I’ll find that book sooner rather than later.  We shall see.  I will allow the book to be where it is and allow myself space in which to reclaim it.   Even though I want it right now!

Allow is an art form unfolding with each new moment.  I hereby allow the book and gift certificate to reveal themselves to me in the time in which is right for me. 

Today and Tomorrow

When I woke up this morning, I felt a bit glum.  No real motivation to get moving.  I did anyway.  Clean sheets on the bed and yes, Delilah is learning how to get down off the bed when told and stays down!  It’s so much easier to make the bed without a critter in it.  Kitties are great for “helping” make the bed, too.  

After a bit, Phil and I took Lilah for a walk.  One park was closed, so we headed to the Columbia River.  We went to the boat dock near Sage Port Grille and found a back road near the river.  Lots of little spots where people could pull their cars in to do some fishing.  No fishing happening, so we went in and out of those shady areas.  We were surprised – pleasantly – that Lilah was very well behaved.  In one turnout, we let her get into the water.  She splashed around and ran in and out of the water.  She ventured out a bit far and practiced her dog-paddle with great success.  

Once we got home, Phil worked on the sprinklers to get them going.  As the water came on, Lilah ran up to each sprinkler and bit at the water.  She ran from sprinkler to sprinkler like a little kid.  She was soaked again!  She only ran into the house soaking wet with dirty feet once when I turned my back for a second.  Of course I had just vacuumed and mopped the day before.  She ran back outside for more sprinkler runs and kept it up as each new section activated.  

We dried her off and fed her and yup – back out for more!  Eventually, the sprinklers went off and she got a final toweling off.  Now, she’s sleeping next to the computer as I write.  Dog Tired I believe is the term.

Her exuberance teaches me a great deal.  It was an ordinary day, until it wasn’t.  We tried a new walking path and we all enjoyed it.  She explored something new and she enjoyed it.  She ran and splashed and we found great joy in watching her have fun.

When we view the world as same-ol’ same-ol’ we lose our spark of interest.  When we try something new we become encouraged or inspired or uplifted.  Watching someone or something else enjoy life opens channels of energy for joy.  

It’s so easy to treat each day just like the last, yet it is NOT!  Each day is a fresh moment of inspiration if we allow ourselves to find it.  You may not have a silly puppy to dance in the water, but life offers up joy at every turn if we just look for it.  I wasn’t really in the mood to look for joy and yet, joy showed up anyway!  I allowed myself to laugh and I allowed myself to relax into the joyful exuberance of a puppy.  

Armed with this super power of allow, I can find new joy tomorrow.  Tomorrow is a bright option.  It wasn’t this morning, but now – the hope of tomorrow brightens my heart even now.  I hope you can feel it and take it on in your life, too.

Together we can find joy in unexpected things!  May your day be blessed and your tomorrow an inspiration!

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Manifesting or Struggling?

So, Phil and I have been working a lot in the yard lately.  Pulling weeds.  Planting flowers.  Cleaning up brush.  We planted a tree today.  Another Dawn Redwood.  It was the craziest thing!  We had gotten a tiny little sapling from a mail order place a year ago.  That tiny little thing snapped off in one of our big spring winds, but had a tiny little twig of green, so we nurtured it and let it grow.  Well, this year, it’s still just this tiny little thing. 

So, out of the blue yesterday, Phil called a couple of nurseries to see if they could get us a bigger one.  Surprise!  One nursery had a good size one – 6’!!  Bought it this morning and planted it this afternoon! 

Funny how things just fall into pace when it’s meant to be.  So how does one know when it’s a meant to be thing that just is taking time to manifest or when it’s just not happening?

That’s a really good question.

Sometimes, when things are meant to be, we have changing to do.  We have growing to do.  We are not yet ready for the new thing to arrive.  Sometimes the new thing is not ready – maybe the tree had not yet been delivered from their grower.  Maybe the new career we are looking for hasn’t materialized yet.  Maybe we are in line to get some additional training.

There is no single simple answer to this question. 

However, I can suggest this.  If it’s really meant to be, it won’t let you go.  Not like an obsession that we get stuck in a mental loop and cannot break free.  No.  But rather, it will keep coming up even when you let it go.

When Phil was in sales many years ago, he attempted to shift into banking.  Every time he had an interview or put his resume out for that sort of position, he’d go through all the hoops and every time he was let down.  Just wasn’t happening.  He really WANTED that position.  (Why, I’ll never figure that one out – Phil stuck at a desk from 9am – 5 pm?  That would never work!  Lol)  When he finally decided to get back into insurance, he made one phone call and created a partnership that has lasted all these years. 

Phil was stuck on banking and wouldn’t let it go and it kept letting him down.  When he remembered that he had been in insurance for a brief time before going into the military and liked it, BOOM!  Landed a partnership that has blessed him (and our family) greatly.

See the slight difference there?  He wanted one thing, but that didn’t happen.  He remembered liking another thing and BOOM it happened.

Is what you’re working for what you think you want or something that brings you joy?  Is what your striving for something that sounds positive or something that feels right? 

Because the difference is subtle, it requires being with it for a bit.  It requires noticing on a whole different level. 

For me, I had to work at it.  When I decided to step out of the corporate world and into self-employment, I had a desk-top publishing business (this was before anyone could do their own desktop publishing stuff for themselves) and I was starting my Psychic business. 

At first, I lost all my previous clients – ones I’d done psychic readings for free.  They didn’t want to pay for something that I had been giving to them.  I didn’t begrudge them this.  I learned a lot through those free readings, so it was on the job training in actuality.  It took me two years to create a new client base - a paying client base that completely covered my expenses (I had a small office and produced a monthly newsletter that had to be printed those days).  At the same time, my desktop publishing business was dwindling.  I was still marketing both, but the reality was, my heart was totally into the psychic readings and not so much into the desktop publishing and the Universe responded to where my heart was fullest and opened those doors more for me. 

To be honest, I probably should have given up my psychic business during those two years.  It was really slow-go at first.  I should have been discouraged.  I should have felt defeated.  Any normal person would have quit.  But, I just couldn’t!  My heart was in it.  When a client walked away with insights to move forward, my heart was gladdened and strengthened enough to work harder.  When I made a connection with the Other Side for someone who was grieving deeply and they found peace, my heart sang!  I tightened up on my expenses and did more low-cost group sessions to expand my client base. 

Eventually, it worked. 

Sometimes, we get the BOOM!  Here it is! Response to our goals and dreams.  Sometimes, we work against great odds to get there.

If you are struggling to see a dream manifest, really look into your own heart.  Ask yourself what is the feeling this grants me.  The ego wants recognition and position.  The heart wants fulfillment and to be a blessing.  The Universe/God hears the heart.  What is your heart telling the Universe?  What is your heart’s desire?  Follow that.  It will lead you in your true journey.

May your journey be richly blessed!

Bushel Basket

Cleaned out the refrigerator the other day. One nice thing about having plenty of home-time. I get chores done that normally I don’t do. Well, let’s face it – cleaning out the fridge is not the most fun activity in the world.

But, alas . . . something had gone bad. Really bad. Really fast. It took a day or two to find the offending monster. A couple of pieces of sliced turkey had slipped in the back and proceeded to exude pungent aroma that about knocked me over when I opened the door.

Once I got it out, and out of the house, it was much better. Yet, there was a lingering odor. Not as bad as the original offender, but truly smack in the face when the door opened. I cleaned where the offensive stuff had been and put some baking soda on the middle shelf, but *sigh* that did not get rid of the smell.

I had to take everything out. Clean every surface. Wipe everything off. Then put everything back.

Yay! That worked! No smell!

It took a bit of time and wasn’t really the most fun I’ve ever had, but both Phil and I really appreciated the effort and the result. Neither one of us gagged when we opened the Fridge after that. What a blessing. A blessing we didn’t realize we experienced until it wasn’t there. We felt profoundly grateful for no smell after days of getting hit with a bad smell. I even found a jar of unopened peach jam!

Isn’t that how it is with an old habit we no longer appreciate? We get rid of the offensive item, but there is a lingering stench of what was. My old habit of inactivity still stinks up my life if I let it. My old habit of worry or fear reeks through into my moments of joy and creativity.

Time to take everything in my life out of the box and look at it. Where am I now? What blesses me now? What steals that blessing and robs me of the opportunity for joy?

When I had a “dark night of the soul” some years ago, I imagined a hand-woven bushel basket full of my life. This basket was full of what I knew or thought I knew. What I believed or thought I believed. What I chose to do or thought I had chosen to do. I tossed everything out. Pretended I didn’t know anything, believe anything or acted on anything.

As each day unfolded and life presented a thought to me or an action, I asked myself, do I really believe this anymore? Do I really want to do that? I tossed a lot of old beliefs and patterns out. There were a few new ideas and new patterns I discovered that I wanted to add to my basket.

Just like cleaning the fridge, it took some time. Just like cleaning the fridge, it was wonderful to have that stinky stuff gone from my life! And I discovered some new stuff that I took delight in!

What’s holding you back from joy? Fear? Where did it come from? Is it yours? Do you really want to keep that stinky stuff? What’s hidden behind that fear? Can you root around in there and see what you might find?

You have time now. It’s not gonna smell any better later!

Finding Our Tribe

We are all looking for our tribe. Where we fit in. Who values us—our opinions, our talents, our hearts. We discover who can care for us and allow us to care for them without crossing sacred boundaries.

Were you one of the popular kids at school? I wasn’t, but I did have a pack of neighborhood kids I hung out with. We were all about the same age. We would walk to school together while our dads rode the bus together to work at Hanford. We went to different churches, but we all were families of faith.

It was those common bonds that helped us create friendships. It was the things we liked and enjoyed in common that helped us create bonds that lasted beyond school years.

Once school was out, there was more school and friendships developed from proximity in the dorm rooms and classes we took.

After school, there were jobs and friendships created from a common work environment.

But were those friendships our tribe? Some were deep friendships indeed, yet within those friendships there was distance caused by lack of spiritual commonality. With spiritual commonality, the bonds become more powerful. We don’t even have to share common neighborhoods, common religious preferences, or even (and especially) common political views.

Yet, having that spiritual commonality, we share ourselves so deeply that we transcend the superficial (though important) differences. We spiritually thrive in the energy of sacredness.

People say they can really feel something when they walk in through the doors of The Divine Fellowship. There is a palpable energy of commonality, safety, and mutual appreciation that physically exists within that space. Each person walks their own sacred path of discovery. Each person chooses their own sacred actions . . . And those are all different! Yet, the spiritual commonality of compassion and appreciation of one another fills the building with a strength that we all share. This gives us the ability to grow and grow more easily.

What were you looking for when you found The Divine Fellowship? A place to find yourself? A place to find your faith? A place to be of service? A place to learn about your spiritual tools and abilities? A place to rest and recover? A place to laugh and relax? A place to reclaim your worth?

Are you finding what you are looking for?

In just a short time, we will be recreating this same energy of commonality, safety, and compassion at the Healing Light Expo. The creation of this energy field at the Expo holds the highest purpose for our Expo. Yes, we want to have fun. We want to share our gifts and even make some money in the process. Yet, the primary purpose of our Expo allows the creation of this commonality energy where others can feel safe enough to explore. With all of our many vendors there is so much to explore—healings, readings, intuition, crystals, personal development, energy, insight, and joy. And, a place for people to, perhaps, discover their spiritual tribe.

Be the Valentine

Phil and I met and married over 32 years ago. We met in February, so lots of memories come into my heart this time of year. After a failed marriage and several pitiful relationship attempts, I’d pretty much given up on the whole love thing.

Except I didn’t.

I knew I had to learn to love myself more. I kept getting swept into relationships that were oppressive or where I felt I could never do enough. I kept being the giver and someone else the taker. I had to learn how to take/receive love.

I didn’t know how.

I perceived that love was a commodity that bought me attention and perhaps some joy. I perceived that my giving first was mandatory to receiving the crumbs.

How does one learn to love and be an equal in giving and receiving? How is that even possible?

My first step was learning to receive Divine Attention (God’s love). Boy, that was hard! I knew only the judgment of God and the punishment that came with that. I had to take a new look. Just being in nature and feeling safe was not easy. I had to be doing, serving - earning points in someone’s book somewhere.

Until I didn’t.

I remember sitting one day outside eating my meager lunch (times were hard) and heard a bird sing. That bird was just singing. Not to attract a mate (it was late in the year). Not to earn points. Just because it wanted to. What did I want to do? What joyful expression of my life did I want to do? I thought about that for a long time. Days. . . weeks maybe.

As those weeks unfolded, I began to notice my friendships. Some were off balance with me giving too much. And yet, there were a few friendships that were in balance. Balancing the giving and the sharing in equal measure. These friendships made my heart sing – just like that little bird. I didn’t have to think about it, it was just a song in my heart. A joy that existed.

I began to notice that these friendships blessed my friends as well. We could count on each other without becoming dependent upon one another. We could share our hopes and dreams and our disappointments. Balancing the giving and the sharing, I began to feel safe in my world. I knew my heart-flame shined brighter as a result. I also knew that others’ heart-flames could shine more brightly as well.

I’m still a giving soul. Yet, I allow others to give, too. In giving and receiving in equal measure the heart-flames burn brightly.

If you find yourself caught in giving too much, grant yourself a moment to just to notice your own heart-flame. Is it diminished by another’s demands? That may not be their fault. Maybe you taught them to be demanding by being too giving. What one thing can you do to nurture your own self? Notice and cherish your own heart-flame in that moment. Allow your own heart-flame to breathe. Then notice connections with others who share and receive in equal measure. Nurture those connections.

When we connect with others in this way, we are all blessed.

May your heart-flame burn brightly! In this way, YOU are the Valentine.

Ascension Orb

A new energy comes to us as a result of a Dream/Vision I recently experienced. In this Dream/Vision instructions for receiving a new energy – an Ascension Harmonic Energy was revealed. A method to receive and maintain this energy was also revealed.

This energy comes to us in the form of an energetic orb that stabilizes and supports our energy fields as well as our physical journey.

This energy orb is located below the diaphragm, behind the stomach and in front of the spine. This energy orb exists in the ethereal realms so it does not occupy space in the body.

Colors appear as golden, copper, and red/brown burgundy. Colors swirl and move within and on the surface of this orb.

This orb spins to maintain stability and equilibrium. This acts like a gyroscope with self-stabilizing ability - energetically speaking. No matter how life gets sideways, this is self-righting so that we return immediately to our rightful state of being, and do so effortlessly. Just like turning your phone sideways and the picture self-adjusts to upright. So too, this energy orb allows us to remain upright in all that we do – no matter what life throws at us.

This energetic orb creates a grounding effect immediately which adds to the sense of stability. Energy flows from the orb down into the Earth – effortlessly.

This energetic orb creates alertness and expanded awareness immediately which allows one to think, respond, and access insights all at the same time. This creates a poised awareness that is ready for action without the need for reaction – again, effortlessly. One does not feel as if they are on high alert – rather just attentive and open to insights/Divine Guidance in any situation. This feels like poised expanded awareness.

This energetic orb stabilizes body, mind, emotions, and spirit all at once.

The really wonderful thing about this orb is that its energy contains the harmonic for ascension. Anyone who walks a sacred path with the intent to walk in honor. integrity, and spiritual connection is on an ascension path. This Ascension Orb supports that path. This Ascension Orb protects one from reacting to life’s challenges. On the Ascension Path there exists no need to respond to life or life’s challenges with disdain or with despair. One walks with clarity and ease.

Not only that, this Ascension Orb harmonizes with other Awakened Ascension Orbs. Meaning: Multiple Ascension Orbs harmonize and support one another. Does not

create attachments, but rather creates a support system harmonic that further amplifies the Ascension energy for self and others.

Is not limited to time and space. Anyone anywhere on the planet can tap into this Ascension energy and create/be gifted an Ascension Orb.

To awaken the Ascension Orb, just notice it’s there.

Not there? Ask for it to be given to you, then create it in your imagination. If you do not perceive it right away, this does not mean you are not good enough or that someone else is more spiritually advanced if they perceive it right away. Not perceiving it immediately just means that you aren’t noticing it yet. Often we assume we are not good enough and that masks the obvious. Just relax and allow. Probably when you aren’t trying it will pop into your awareness.

To link with another Ascension Orb, ask the Orb to seek its harmonic affiliate and link in. A sense of connectedness without baggage will occur. One does not feel the other person’s life, life choices, or problems – just this energy of the Ascension Harmonic.

To my knowledge, this reception holds the first time this energy exists on this plane of existence. We, The Divine Fellowship, become the starting point and the anchor point for this Ascension Harmonic Energy.

Personally, I felt myself stand taller, feel more in-tune with Spirit, I felt more grounded and stronger.

May this Ascension Orb bless you in all areas of your life. Feel free to share this information!

Stepping Back – Stepping Away

A few years ago I had an online radio show entitled Step Up. The theme of the show was stepping into your intuition and your spiritual awareness. I view our spiritual path as a gentle upward journey where we are better today than we were yesterday. Our choices are more spirit centered and Spirit Connected with each step.

Imagine my surprise when I’ve been led to step back and step away from a physical practice.

A few years ago, a health issue manifested itself in a big way. I found a list of supplements that slowly brought my health around through daily consumption. I was so glad to find these supplements and grateful for regaining a measure of health.

Recently, I found myself spiraling down health-wise again. I couldn’t seem to shake it and I couldn’t seem to get any better.

One day I was running late and “forgot” to take my supplements before I left the house. I planned on taking them as soon as I got home. Well, after getting home, I had several major distractions and missed taking those things all day. The next day, Phil noticed that I looked better. I didn’t really feel much better, but I did feel a bit better. Not connecting the dots yet, I took my supplements as usual that morning. Sure enough, I didn’t feel well again.

Several days later, I ran out the door without those supplements again and got distracted and missed another whole day without them. Sure as shootin’, I felt better again.

Phil notice again.

Could the supplements that saved my life be now causing me distress??!!??

How could this be?!?

Well, I just couldn’t believe it and resumed taking the supplements again. You guessed it . . . I felt badly again. Brain fog and severe fatigue.

Well. For cryin’ out loud. I must say I experienced a great deal of resistance at stepping back from utilizing those supplements. Until I realized that I’d been doing healings on myself for months now. I’d discovered or had been Spirit guided in some new visualizations that really seemed powerful.

Apparently so!

So, I have this drawer in the kitchen that is full of supplements. I might need this or that here and there, but for now, I can let go of having to take a handful of those things.

My heart vacillates between been grateful and resistant. I allow myself gratitude for the supplements that supported me for so long and blessed me along the way. At the same time I allow myself to be resistant in stepping away from them and grant myself peace as I ease out of their use. This in turn allows me gratitude for a new measure of health that no longer needs them.

So, too, I allow myself to step back and step away from friendships and relationships that no longer serve. Certainly, there may be friends that I couldn’t have gotten this far without, yet our paths no longer converge and I get to step away with gratitude. Gratitude for what we had and gratitude that I can move on.

I used to feel that way about soda pop. When I was experiencing an abusive situation and dire financial circumstances, I allowed myself one bottle of soda pop a week. I could nurse a bottle of cola for days. It would be flat, but it was my prop. It got me through. Long after I found safety and financial footing, I still clung to that pop. I could afford more than one a week, so I did. I felt such bliss with each sip. It wasn’t just the taste, it was the taste of freedom that it granted me.

Years later, I was able to step back and walk away from soda pop. Now every once in a while I might choose to have one. Doesn’t taste the same and I don’t get the same blissful feeling. I’ve stepped away from that emotional crutch. I can hold gratitude for how it got me through the difficult times, and hold even greater gratitude that I don’t put that stuff in my body very often. I am gratefully free to choose.

I had to step back first – notice it. See how it worked or didn’t work in my life. Then make a new choice and step away.

What might you be hanging on to? Does it really serve you now or do you feel attached by the memory of survival? Step back. Take a look. Notice how your life is different now. When you are ready, step away. Set yourself free.

This Last Tear

The tear pooled in my eye and hesitated there for a moment. Then, it began to fall, gently sliding down my face.

I decided in that moment that this is the last tear. The last tear to fall as a result of your comments or your disdain.

Love, as close as family, extends beyond approval or disapproval. When I needed your encouragement and you sat silent. I felt rejected and tears fell. When I needed your reassurance when I felt weak, you demanded attention for your own hurts. I felt rejected and tears fell. When I needed to clear the air, you projected your own pain onto me demanding me to change to make you happy. I felt unheard and tears fell. When I succeeded and wanted joyous celebration with me, you belittled my success. I felt unworthy and tears fell.

Yet, this is the last tear.

Not that I choose to shut down. No. Shutting down would do me more harm than good. Not that I choose to put shields up to protect myself. No. Shields cannot protect me in this.

I choose to see you from a different perspective. Rather than seeing you as me – a wounded me, a broken me – I choose to see you in truth. Your wounds dictate your actions and reactions to me. Your pain commands you to withhold love, appreciation, and acknowledgement. You cannot yet be any other way.

I choose to see this without judgement. In fact, I choose to see you with a heart of compassion. I observe you and the pain constricting you with deep empathy.

This last tear dries on my skin, evaporating into the air that surrounds it. My need for your approval and acceptance evaporates with it. I expected you to respond to me in a way that fulfilled my needs. Now, I release you from that expectation. I’m free.

I’m free to encourage myself. I’m free to console myself. I’m free to acknowledge my own successes. I’m free to negotiate this life without the need for outside approval. This inner approval resides within my own bright heart. This inner approval finds confirmation from Divine Source who uplifts and supports me while offering me guidance and comfort.

Certainly, I will cry again. Sorrows and disappointments happen. Loss and grief live alongside a fulfilled life. Yet, this is the last tear that falls for expecting you to be whom you are not. I finally understand. With a bright heart, I finally release . . .

This Last Tear.

(If you enjoyed this blog you might also like the Ancient One’s message entitled “The Power of Serenity”)

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